Being Pathetic for Completely Wrong Reasons

I don’t know why I’m having these feelings right now. I’m not even sure if I wanted to get splashed by paint or dance with the beat of the music, but I do know I’m disheartened that I’m not going to black light this year – for the third time in a row.

Last year I wasn’t feeling as melodramatic as right now – nor did I feel it on the year that I was a freshman. But today I’m actually disappointed that I’m missing the “biggest acquaintance party” in the campus. I have an idea to why I’m feeling so down this year. It could possibly be because we had initially planned to go party tonight – but like most big plans we had, it never pushes through. I know it’s funny for me to make this thing into something that I can be depressed of. That’s just crap.

To be honest I wasn’t really feeling this shitty when this day began. I was actually up for sleep and of course some fellowship with other Christians through the campus bible fellowship but when I saw him earlier my mood just shifted on to full mode depression. He was standing with his friends, looking like the fresh and cool guy that he was. They were lining up to enter the vicinity where the party will be held and he might or might not have seen me while I was looking for a way to get someone to buy us Thirsty drinks (I know. But Php 50 is such a big amount for an entrance fee. Ugh). I’m not really sure why but ever since I saw him earlier, the desire to get to the same vicinity that he’s in just came over me. It is pathetic, I tell you and I know that it is wrong and childish and I don’t have any justification why I’m feeling like this right now because I know that it’s just because someone that excites me is there partying and flirting with other girls. It’s really pathetic.

I’m also pathetic because I’m feeling things that I shouldn’t feel at all. I had better things to be remorseful tonight and not attending the blacklight party isn’t one of them. One for example is missing the Campus Bible Fellowship mass orientation. I know this is something better and I know that I should attend this year because it is one way to be closer to God. But what I did was to find ways to no attend it just because I wasn’t strong enough or that I always put worldly things first. I hate myself for being like that but I hate myself for not doing anything at all to change that. The very sad part is that I had given my word to Cairrie that I will attend but I just deliberately avoided it. Sad.

Anyway, I have better things to do than feel sorry because I’m not in the field watching these singers –instead of hearing them belt out Jessie J.’s Flashlight completely out of tune (sour grapping? I don’t think so).

don’t know why I’m having these feelings right now. I’m not even sure if I wanted to get splashed by paint or dance with the beat of the music, but I do know I’m disheartened that I’m not going to black light this year – for the third time in a row.

Last year I wasn’t feeling as melodramatic as right now – nor did I feel it on the year that I was a freshman. But today I’m actually disappointed that I’m missing the “biggest acquaintance party” in the campus. I have an idea to why I’m feeling so down this year. It could possibly be because we had initially planned to go party tonight – but like most big plans we had, it never pushes through. I know it’s funny for me to make this thing into something that I can be depressed of. That’s just crap.

To be honest I wasn’t really feeling this shitty when this day began. I was actually up for sleep and of course some fellowship with other Christians through the campus bible fellowship but when I saw him earlier my mood just shifted on to full mode depression. He was standing with his friends, looking like the fresh and cool guy that he was. They were lining up to enter the vicinity where the party will be held and he might or might not have seen me while I was looking for a way to get someone to buy us Thirsty drinks (I know. But Php 50 is such a big amount for an entrance fee. Ugh). I’m not really sure why but ever since I saw him earlier, the desire to get to the same vicinity that he’s in just came over me. It is pathetic, I tell you and I know that it is wrong and childish and I don’t have any justification why I’m feeling like this right now because I know that it’s just because someone that excites me is there partying and flirting with other girls. It’s really pathetic.

I’m also pathetic because I’m feeling things that I shouldn’t feel at all. I had better things to be remorseful tonight and not attending the blacklight party isn’t one of them. One for example is missing the Campus Bible Fellowship mass orientation. I know this is something better and I know that I should attend this year because it is one way to be closer to God. But what I did was to find ways to no attend it just because I wasn’t strong enough or that I always put worldly things first. I hate myself for being like that but I hate myself for not doing anything at all to change that. The very sad part is that I had given my word to Cairrie that I will attend but I just deliberately avoided it. Sad.

Anyway, I have better things to do than feel sorry because I’m not in the field watching these singers –instead of hearing them belt out Jessie J.’s Flashlight completely out of tune (sour grapping? I don’t think so).

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